I plan ending this subject with this essay and then move on to a new topic next week. But before then, I want to thank you for reading me. Your responses have been overwhelming cutting across ages. Now, I owe my fellow baby boomers an apology. I had thought you would not have the time for me because you are too busy to read or that you already know it all (remember my first article on my generational preferences?) You may want to read that two-part article again for an appreciation of this apology. These responses are coming from my seniors, contemporaries, encouragers and protégés. Thank you all.
‘IQ can only get you to the door, it’s EQ that opens the door and gets you a seat at the proverbial all important table, because if you are not at the table, you are on the menu’
‘Being Human’ and excelling with Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
This is the number seven attitude in the ‘No Bounds’ ‘first eleven’. What do I mean by ‘being human’? I know we use this expression a lot especially to excuse our shortcomings, excesses, and inadequancies. However, a few experiences have inspired a new rewarding meaning for this cliché. And what is emotional intelligence? I know we know a lot about IQ (Intelligence Quotient). Someone said arguably that IQ can only get you to the door, it’s EQ that opens the door and gets you a seat at the proverbial all important table, because if you are not at the table, you are on the menu. Someone even said “if you miss being at the table, you are the menu”. High IQ is good but not sufficient for this marathon of the ‘No Bounds’ cohorts.
I have read a few authorities on emotional intelligence and they include Howard Gardner, John Mayer and Daniel Goleman. Goleman in his bestseller, Working with Emotional Intelligence defines emotional intelligence as “the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.” This definition is the foundation of my inspired new meaning of ‘being human’. Goleman further adapted this definition into five core skills or abilities of (i.) Self-awareness (SA) – when a situation occurs, are you conscious of your own feelings, or do you just react? SA can prevent you from getting swept up by common emotions like anger or pride. It’s an essential element to help you keep your feet on the ground and stay confident.
(ii.) Self-control (SC) – you are driving on the highway, and the danfo driver brushes your car ‘painting you yellow’, do you let your anger boil over and engage him in bouts of shouting, screaming, and some ‘Ali shuffles’? Being able to regulate your emotions helps you turn your feelings into positive drivers rather than distractions. (iii.) Motivation (M) – What are the deepest drivers of your success? People that are strong in the motivational aspect of emotional intelligence are able to do more than pick themselves up when they are down. They view failure as a learning experience and setbacks as opportunities yet to be discovered. Motivation lies at the heart of what keeps the most successful people going and going, long after others have given up.
(iv.) Empathy (E) – This is so crucial and important for leadership, and even followership success. It gives you the ability to sense and understand the emotions of others. In life, you’ll be asked time and again to see things from someone else’s perspective.
(v.) Last but not the least, social skills – how strong is your network? How well do you remember names and faces? How blend-able are you without compromising your values? A common mistake is to assume that you need to dominate in every situation. People with the most developed set of social skills understand that it’s more important to stand out by blending in. FOMO – fear of missing out-is a dangerous epidemic plaguing a lot of people that are lacking the ability to manage the social media. This cuts across ages and gender. Do not be a victim. Also be careful, watch what you post. As the saying goes, the internet is forever, whatever you post is stored and can be retrieved to hurt you in the future. Prospective employers and business partners now routinely rummage through your social media accounts to gauge your emotional intelligence level and ease of doing business and associating with you.
‘…Be careful, watch what you post. As the saying goes, the internet is forever, whatever you post is stored and can be retrieved to hurt you in the future’
For every of your post on any social media platform, why not subject it to the Rotary International’s four-way test before posting: Is it the truth? Is it fair to all concerned? Will it build goodwill and better friendships? Will it be beneficial to all? We all need a high dose of EQ. In our Executive Education classes, we have various learning videos to reinforce learning on this subject. One of such is the Marshmallow experiment to demonstrate the impact of self-regulation, an EQ skill on human endeavours.
‘Being human’, therefore, is the ability to shun destructive instincts, demonstrating the core abilities enunciated above. Anything contrary is in the corridor of animalistic tendencies only fit for the jungle. ‘Being human’ is not the propensity for unbridled exuberances and tendencies of speaking before thinking, speaking evil of dignitaries, false independence of ‘can talk anyhow’ and ‘say just anything’ because we are in a democracy. At the workplace, there is no democracy, notwithstanding the volume of ‘Kaizen’ pamphlets you may have read. There is only one strategy, the CEO’s agenda, and ideas are welcome at his/her discretion, even in advanced economies because she is the number one person responsible for results, and he is answerable to the owners. She points the direction and helps her team to see the vision. More on this in the nearest future. ‘Being human’ is a deliberateness at eliminating career-limiting innuendoes and actions. It is putting your emotional intelligence skills into full use avoiding being toxic in any gathering you find yourself. The good news is, the EQ skills are learnable and acquirable.
Mind-set Management
This is the number eight attitude for anyone ready to embrace the ‘No Bounds’ good success way of life. “Our mind-set could be described as the lens through which we see our work, our relationships and our entire world”. In part 1, I wrote briefly on David’s mind-set in that epic battle and the defeat of Goliath. The ‘No Bounds’ generation has no place for the fixed mind-set. They are also not satisfied with just the growth mind-set. It reaches for a higher glory in the outward mind-set. For lack of self-awareness, too many of us operate from an inward mind-set – a narrow-minded focus on self-centred goals and objectives. When faced with personal ineffectiveness or lagging organizational performance, most of us instinctively look for quick-fix behavioural band aids, not recognising the underlying mind-set at the heart of our most persistent challenges.
When individuals and organisations make the change to the outward mind-set, incredible things start to happen. The outward mind-set is focused on the objectives and results of the team as a whole. It seeks to be helpful, responsible and make a real impact. It helps individuals see how they might be creating obstacles in the work of others, and helps them change the way they are working and relating with team members in a way that creates real, sustainable results. The Arbinger Institute in its 2016 classic, The Outward Mind-set, using masterpiece story-telling, provided profound guidance that “enables individuals and organisations to make the one change that most dramatically improves performance, sparks collaboration and accelerates innovation – a shift to an outward mind-set”.
Finishing Well and Finishing Strong
Number nine is like a striker, focused on the goal. The ‘No Bounds’ people have their eyes on the finish line. They play to the rules. They are results-oriented. Results! With enduring principles well valued. They can’t afford much distractions. Apostle Paul was admonishing Timothy in 2Timothy chapter 2, and verses 4 and 5 in the New Living Translation: “Soldiers don’t get tied up in the affairs of civilian life, for then they cannot please the officer who enlisted them. And athletes cannot win the prize unless they follow the rules.” They set S.M.A.R.T.E.R (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, time-bound, extending capabilities, and rewarding) goals and pursue them passionately. They don’t give up midway, it doesn’t matter the half time score… It does not matter how good you were yesterday, if you do not keep at it you are soon forgotten. The day you stop learning, you start decaying or dying. This is an encouragement that we must aim at ending well and strong.
‘The day you stop learning, you start decaying or dying’
Recently, that great evangelist, Rev. Billy Graham, was called home. He died. That is not the news. What is news is the social media frenzy that followed, especially the one that listed the names of some Christian leaders who started out in Ministry about the same time Bill Graham started out. How come we no longer hear of them? Most of them gave up, succumbing to various elements.
This finishing well attitude is adrenalin pumping. It’s motivating, keeping me on my toes in a 360° manner. It’s going the extra mile. At the extra mile there are no traffic jams because only a few dare to go that far. In John Maxwell’s Failing Forward I read of one Dr Langley, the man who first flew an aeroplane but was not credited as the inventor. Dr Langley’s flight was brief before it came crashing down. Journalists and Investors brutally criticised him. What next? Dr Langley gave up trying. A few weeks, may be days later, the Wright brothers, Orville and Wilbur, made their own flight over about the same distance as Dr Langley’s. In spite of all odds, the Wright brothers kept at it and were forever credited as inventors of the aeroplane. Quitting is not an option for the ‘No Bounds’ generation. In the words of Winston Churchill, never, never, never give up. That is the ‘No Bounds’ mentality.
‘Quitting is not an option for the ‘No Bounds’ generation. In the words of Winston Churchill, never, never, never give up. That is the ‘No Bounds’ mentality’
Let me crave your indulgence to share numbers ten and eleven with you on a later date. I may just include them in any of the future articles. We move on to another topic next week. Thank you.
Acknowledgement/Sources of Resources for this article/Notes:
- Clip arts and snippets from Google, and the Internet to drive home the points.
- A compendium of over 25 years of manuscripts of my thesis and lecture series in Talent Management and People Matters (unpublished yet).
- BezaleelConsulting Group Library bezaleelconsultingrw.com
- Smart Tips by Soundview Executive Book Summaries soundview.com
- The Arbinger Institute: The Outward Mind-set – Seeing Beyond Ourselves. How to Change Lives and Transform Organizations. Berrett-Koehler, 2016
- John C. Maxwell: ‘Failing Forward – Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones for Success. Thomas Nelson, 2000.