Sometimes, one-sided stories are the simplest way of making wrong and misleading conclusions. A classic case is the story published last week in this column over which I received many responses by SMS, email and telephone calls in addition to torrents of responses on WhatsApp platforms. While many seems to side with the woman for having her reasons for acting in such a manner, others advised the man to be patient, hear her out and, if there’s no positive response, he should consider quitting the union. Only a few were outright judgmental and harsh in their opinions against her.
“I will Quit! This man is a ‘murderer’ because someone who could conveniently assassinate one’s character on fictitious grounds is more dangerous and cruel than an enemy.” That was the response of the woman whose husband’s narrative I published last week.
She initially declined response because she saw no need for it. She argued that since she’s no longer going to stay in the marriage, there’s absolutely no need to explain anything. However, after about 10 minutes of persuasive conversation based on the need to hear her own side of the story so that others in her shoes could learn from their mistakes; more so, her identity is not disclosed to the public, eventually, the 37-year-old graduate of Economics and an MBA holder responded via telephone in the presence of her husband in the comfort of their home.
Here are the excerpts of her responses to the complaints from her husband:
On being married before, I was never married to any man in my life before I met him. He’s the only man I married legally. When I read your column last Friday online because I couldn’t get the hard copy to buy at newsstand, I became sad. A number of untoward options ran through my mind one of which was suicide. Last weekend, I invited my mom, my siblings, his uncle and two sisters and I showed them your column. His younger sister read it to the family audience and I asked my mom to please be truthful if I have ever brought any man to her as my husband. She couldn’t answer. Everyone was dumbfounded. My mom finally asked him the source of his information and proof if he has any, only for him to mention the name of my ex-boyfriend as the man I married earlier.
A neighbour in my former place of residence had told him that I was married before. The truth of the matter is that my ex-boyfriend was affected in a gale of retrenchment that hit the banking industry some years ago. It happened at a time the guy couldn’t pay his rent because he was servicing a loan at the time he was laid off. He became a squatter in my apartment for some months before he moved out to his own house he took loan to build while in the bank. All this, I told him long before we married.
On my qualification, I have shown him my credentials at the weekend in the presence of his siblings. I was keeping that low because some men have complex issue when their wives are more certificated than them. He’s an ND holder but I appreciate him because he’s hardworking and he believes in himself. I didn’t flaunt my degrees to prevent unnecessary tension in the home.
On the issue of our genotype, I must confess that I didn’t take it seriously because I saw no need for it. He had earlier told me that he’s AA because his mom and siblings were AA. I knew I’m AS though my mom is AA but my late dad was AS. Since he said all of them in his family were AA why should I lose sleep over genotype test? After reading your column, I told him that he needs a DNA test if his parents and siblings are AA while he’s the only AS in the family. His two sisters debunked his claim. According to them, their dad was AS and one of the sisters present, too, is AS. However, he never made it an issue at that time, otherwise, I wouldn’t have been in this mess by now.
On the laboratory test, my husband was being economical with the truth. I have had miscarriage twice. He said we should go for lab test to find the solution to the problem but I said I needed to see a doctor, he would prescribe what manner of test to be done. Apart from that, I developed cold feet towards pregnancy because I can’t afford to have sickler as a baby since we are both AS. I was waiting for the appropriate time to propose adoption of one or two babies to him. That was what I had in mind when I told him I have something important to tell him and not “stories.”
On including his name in my property, Hmmmm. What a world! Sir, my husband bought an acre of land for a project that will commence shortly and he bought it in our name: Mr and Mrs … I simply reciprocated his love and sense of oneness by changing my own documents to include his name. This happened last year, not recently. I didn’t know it’s an offence. It will never happen again.
Meanwhile, I had told him a week earlier that we will be eating out on the night we had dinner at the Chinese restaurant. But the way he presented it to you was spiteful and convicting. Our marriage will be three years later this year but we had two years of courtship before wedding which makes it five years. That’s the truth.
The 46-minute-conversation was intermittently interrupted with sobs and lamentable utterances. At the tail end of the conversation, she completely broke down in tears, vowing to quit by filing for divorce immediately. Her husband was busy calming her broken emotions as he pleaded: “Baby, I love you,” “Baby, that’s okay,” “Baby, I’m sorry,” “Baby, that’s enough,” “Baby, now I know the truth,” “Baby, I don’t mean to hurt you”. “Baby please . . .” She didn’t talk any further until I cut off the line.