This year, a positive change in the love life of lonely single parents would be worked at; and, hopefully, we will attain an appreciable level of improvement. Agreeing to go into relationship is another kettle of fish for some single parents, no thanks to hurtful relationships of the past. Once bitten twice shy has been the watchword of single moms who are scared of venturing into new relationship despite their obvious need of companionship.
Parents shouldn’t be shy to let their children know about their needs, loneliness and sacrifice they undertake for their sake as against trying to make it look like they (parents) are ‘holy angels’ who have no urges or emotional life.
Expectedly, most of the responses to the last week’s topic came from women. Apart from those who claim that the article was an “eye opener” and “practically instructive” to them, some others attributed the narrative as akin to their current situation. It is preposterous to see that even when some women know that their method of inculcating discipline and morality into their children is self-hurting, yet, they pretend to be fine. I believe parents should sacrifice to train up their children in the right path of godly and moral upbringing, but when the children are grown up or in their teenage years, parents should wisely modify the method.
At certain age, parents should relate with their children more as friends. This becomes important in order to engender mutual confidence, stronger bond and understanding. This does not in any way remove the disciplinary and corrective roles of parents whenever the children go wrong. No child, no matter the age, is beyond correction or reprimand. Therefore, single parents should put their young adult children into confidence by explaining and educating them on their (parents) need of ‘help’ in form of companionship, relationship or marriage, ultimately.
Coming to terms with the reality that most of the teenage children from age 15 upward are sexually aware, parents should rather appropriate the ‘exposure’ positively to educate them, strengthen their psyche and fortify their emotional beings from being exploited by the opposite sex. Hence, parents shouldn’t be shy to let their children know about their needs, loneliness and sacrifice they undertake for their sake as against trying to make it look like they (parents) are ‘holy angels’ who have no urges or emotional life.
Taking the all-involved step, parents would be amazed at the level of understanding and support they would get from their children. Just like the case I shared last week, these children know that someone is missing in the equation of life of their single parents. The teenagers might still be sexually innocent (virgins) but they are very much aware of what is involved in relationship with the opposite sex. Communication devices like android phones, internet facilities and television have serious impact on the premature exposure of innocent children to adult life.
I have always maintained that it is not good for single moms to go on self-imposed ‘sabbatical’ from relationships on the excuse of being hurt by their ‘ex’ or as an alibi for training their children or concentrating on their businesses. Single parents shouldn’t shy away from going into relationship regardless of their circumstances. One thing they must acknowledge is that children would later have their own homes, it will then dawn on the single moms that they have not been thoughtful enough about their own lives when they become lonely in their latter years.
However, there are single women who, after investing in relationships with men they hoped to build homes, came out dejected, sapped and exploited. It is a regrettable experience for any caring and trusting woman that falls prey to a selfish man; such a woman becomes harder, mean and stingy consequently. Men who have experienced sour relationships equally have tearful tales to tell.
There are three common problems associated with men that stay so long in relationships without consummation:
⊙» An average man do have more than one woman to choose from. While he might have identified a ‘good match’ among his lady friends, his crave for a more endowed, economically stable and more beautiful choice might propel him to play away more of his time.
⊙» These days, many men are being plagued with serious economic instability, low cash in-flow and joblessness. This is a fundamental problem that could not only prolong relationships but may likely collapse them.
⊙» Men’s ability to decipher between the type of women they ‘need’ and those they ‘want’ is seriously lacking. In most cases, many men are so confused not knowing what to look out for in women. Rather, they are more inclined to go for women they want and not those they need. Men that value peace, fidelity, marital stability and partners that will complement their efforts to actualize their dreams won’t be blind to wifely women when they see them.
Unlike men, the major problem confronting single women is getting responsible and committed men that will make good their promises towards marriage. Many women are tired of motion-without-movement kind of relationships. Several men are not just enthusiastic about moving their affairs to the next level thereby keeping the fate of their partners hanging in the balance indefinitely. What a frustrating condition!
Sometimes I find it difficult to blame the men because some women feel comfortable clinging to unproductive and purposeless relationships for too long. They know their men are not the serious type, yet, they remain optimistic just to feel attached. They remain with their flippant partners pending when they meet better suitors. Another set of women hang in there just to feel among whenever her friends are talking about their affairs, at least, they will have something to say about men in their own lives, too.
Like men, some women are the architects of their own prolonged spinsterhood. They have problem in making the right choices because of tempting offers available to them. Materialistic ones would care more about the type of cars, financial status and charming look of the guys. Whereas intelligent women should concern herself more with the potentials, dreams, aspiration, godly traits and commitment to the relationship.
Time-wasting affairs should be discarded immediately. Single and searching women should wake up to reality atnd go for who they really need.
They must stop dreaming about hunting already-made guys as it is a delusion that keep them perpetually in the ‘market’. Such adventure often leads to a regrettable end if you marry a man because of his material wealth without bringing an added value to his life or the family.
Many women, like some men, too, can’t distinguish between who they need and who they want. Need is basic. God only provides for your needs and not your wants. In most cases, wants are ostentatious in outlook, profligate in package, inordinate in desire and sometimes morally abnormal. The need of every man and woman is to marry who has the potential to be great now or in the future; a partner that will ensure peace of mind, faithful in the relationship, actualiser of dreams, a great friend and hardworking person. With this kind of a partner, every other expectations, desires and goals are very attainable with patience, love, prayers and faith in God.
Quit your unproductive love affair. Take stock of your relationship, be candid to yourself in the assessment and you will surely know if it is worth keeping or not. Terminate time-wasting partners in your life. Quit any burdensome and purposeless relationship. Think on the way forward and relaunch your net into the ocean of love for a new ‘fish’ in the New Year.
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