A 42-year-old man asked for an appointment with me last week during which the hefty, moderately comfortable man reeled out his frustration in his marriage. He tried in vain to fight tears from cascading down his cheeks as he narrated his story. Read on:
It dawned on me since October last year that my five-year-old marriage is a scam. I was blindly in love with my wife such that whatever she told me I believed without questioning. One after the other, her concealed lies and schemes started unfolding. It’s like watching a Nollywood movie. I couldn’t believe the magnitude of things my wife covered-up in her desperate bid to get married.
I think I fell cheaply for her schemes and lies because she’s the exact figure of a woman I desired to marry. She’s very beautiful, brilliant, warmth and has inexhaustible sense of humour. My wife hardly gets offended. She’s very generous and far less a troublesome or jealous type. In fact, she is unique among women I have met in the past. As we speak, she is a middle cadre manager in her place of work whose take home is enough to make her proud among her peers.
I’m saying all these things so that it doesn’t look like I don’t know why I’m not happy with such a ‘good’ woman. She relates very warmly with my family members. To be honest with you sir, it’s difficult for me to tell my close friends and siblings these things because they love her so dearly. I don’t want to destroy her image and I don’t want to continue living in bitterness that’s why I need her consent for a quiet divorce.
What led to the discovery was her reluctance to go for medical examinations to know the cause of our inability to make babies. She usually covers up with her busy schedule at work. Even at weekends whenever I notified her that we would go for tests, she would always have “something urgent” to do at work that weekend. This had happened over and over again. Later, I went for my own test in a highly trusted laboratory in Lagos and I gave her the result which certified me fit and capable of impregnating my wife without problem. I insisted that I won’t accept result from any other laboratory except that particular lab if she decides to go alone. As we speak, my wife haven’t got the time to go there.
Not knowing that she’s AS, she failed to go for genotype test before we got married only to discover later that both of us are AS. Ideally, we shouldn’t get married at all to avoid having any child with SS genotype. From these points, I began to interrogate other claims and actions of my wife, this led me to uncover concealed stuff in our relationship.
‘It’s difficult for me to tell my close friends and siblings these things because they love her so dearly. I don’t want to destroy her image and I don’t want to continue living in bitterness that’s why I need her consent for a quiet divorce’
Sir, do you know that my wife had been married before we met? Yet, she wasn’t honest enough to tell me about it. Having a failed marriage is not a crime but concealing it amounts to dishonesty. Those she initially introduced to me as her parents were not her biological parents. I actually reconciled her with her parents before we wedded, otherwise she was ready to go ahead without her parents’ involvement, consent and blessing.
As we speak, I’m not sure my wife attended any university but she has a laminated photograph where she wore NYSC kits. She didn’t mention her year of admission or graduation, no mention of any classmates. I know she’s very articulate, sound intellectually but a proof to these attributes are largely missing.
When I insisted that I needed to know the truth about some cloudy issues about her life, she took me out for a dinner at a Chinese restaurant, bought some gifts for both of us and told me later in the night that “I have stories to tell but not now.” As we speak, she has applied for two weeks leave for us to go for holiday in Kenya during my birthday this month. She went as far as changing her property documents to include my name as owners.
Sir, as much as I appreciate her caring and giving attitude as explained so far, I feel irritated by her cunning traits to gloss over serious issues like not knowing why she’s avoiding lab tests so as to become happy parents, truth about her academic background and why she didn’t tell me she had been married before when we met. I’m beginning to dislike her every day. This ill-feeling is already affecting our sex life as I hate to touch her again. Since January, I constantly feel like walking away from her forever.
Initially I saw her generosity to my people as mere façade to pull a wool over her shenanigans but sincerely that’s her natural attitude. Her co-workers love her so much because she could plug out her eyes for the blind. Every Sunday is celebration for children in our church, she gives monthly to ensure snacks and drinks are available for them. As a result, many children do force their parents to church every Sunday because of that.
Sir, I don’t want to talk about my suspicion yet, until you hear from her. I’m grossly disenchanted. I have lost interest in the union and I wish to walk away or file for divorce quietly. I don’t want to embarrass her. Despite her disheartening issues, she is a good woman. Many people see her as a role model. Sir, I’m in pain!
I won’t address this issue today until I meet this angel of a woman that needs a dark part of her life illuminated for clarity. I believe this issue is still within rectification. Right there, I called her number but she didn’t respond. Her husband agreed to persuade her to meet me. Meanwhile, I like to know your take on this matter and what advise you will give this brokenhearted man. God bless.
