A major trust of news reporting in journalism is: “if in doubt, leave out or drop the story.” In my days as a News Editor, whenever a reporter couldn’t substantiate his facts, I will drop the news item. It is a norm that conforms to the best professional practices. Integrity and truth are the hallmark of media practice but with the advent of social and online media, those valued ethics seem to have been practically jettisoned. And the consequences of such professional delinquency daily stare us in the face, regrettably though.
This same ethos applies to those planning their conjugal affairs on a sandy soil of anxiety, doubt and uncertainty. If betrothed lovers are frequently experiencing rancour, threats of breakup and relating to each other with mutual suspicion and fear, they don’t need a soothsayer or a prophet to tell them that they are not compatible. Many of those in desperate mood to remain in troubled relationships are women.
Reasons adduced for their tenacity usually centre around fear of the unknown, age, social class, low self-esteem, economic factor, religious affinity and beauty among others. Some of them prefer to go into ‘trial’ marriages and fail than let go their abusive partners. The reckless decision they often make is to blindly walk down the aisle with partners they can’t have peace and desired happy matrimony with.
A 31-year-old woman would not let go off her fiancé of two years despite her frustration and constant abuse in the relationship. Twice she had called it quit but she reconciled on both occasions without her boyfriend showing any sign of remorse. Devising a way to end regular disputes, she moved into his apartment unannounced thinking perhaps they would understand themselves better by living together. Her boyfriend’s response was to bring another woman home for the weekend. Yet, she stayed on, weeping, begging for his love. They eventually got married and it only lasted for nine months! She packed out with seven months pregnancy when she almost lost her life due constant to battering.
A young man is currently battling with high blood pressure arising from constant cases of cheating, insults, threats to quit the relationship and coping with hardline rules of his fiancée. His reason for hanging on with this woman is her beauty. He said he would rather learn to endure than let her go. “All my friends envy me because of her beauty,” he said. More than thrice, he had caught her pant down with other men. She cheats a lot. She insults him at will and set rules for him as condition to remain in the relationship. As you read this article, they are planning to wed in a couple of months’ time.
Should we then ascribe these kinds of relationship to genuine love? If yes, then, love is truly blind! It shows love can blindfold lovers when they are engrossed in it. In most cases, the love charm usually have a vice-hold on one of the partners. When blinded in love, they usually act blighted. Consequently, the traits of such desperate, confused and helpless partners will always:
- Defend the weaknesses, character flaws that would eventually shred the union.
- Get fixated and unreasonably enslaved to their partners by trying to please, satisfy, compromise and sacrifice to tag along; forgetting that once they beg or manage to go into marriage, they need to keep begging and managing to remain married for the rest of their lives.
- Afraid of the unknown. Attitudes they won’t tolerate ordinarily or naturally would become their choice just to remain in relationship. They accommodate those things to feel “fulfilled” among their peers even when eventual failure looms large in the horizon.
- More often than not, ignore every counsel that is not in tandem with their sentiments, interests and expectations.
- Learn their lessons at a time the situation is beyond remedy. They calmly live with the scars because it was their choice.
There are three levels of marriage:
- Marriage contracted in fear – apparently due to desperation, low self-esteem, age consideration and social class
- Marriage contracted in reluctance – as a result of family and peers pressure, abstract considerations, marrying partners not wholly convinced or satisfied with many things about.
- Marriage contracted in willful decision – this is being fortunate by marrying one’s dream partner, desired choice, best friend, feeling satisfied, fulfilled and complementary to one’s life.
It is advisable and wiser to avert awaited marital failure by quitting troubled relationships. As it is often said, “A broken relationship is far better than a broken marriage.” Some are currently regretting their decisions in marriage because of the choices they made. While many of them have tried frantically to make their marriages work; but alas, they couldn’t get it right not due to their own faults, but because they paired with wrong partners.
Apart from abuse or violence in relationships and marriages, there are those whose problems have to do with the spiritual silhouette or aura of their partners. These set of spouses are in deeper regret and anguish because their lives are stunted and stagnated. Those who should have been pillars of their families and their societies are still in beggarly and perpetual needy conditions because of the choices they made in marriage.
A woman had a job offer with a foreign airline but she couldn’t accept the job due to her inability to provide the qualification she told her fiancé that she possessed. The job connection came through a church member of her fiancé who was a top management staff of the airline. Beyond the painful loss of the opportunity, she had no dream or aspirations for her life. She is complacent; and comfortable with below average living standard.
As we you read this column, she’s now a hawker of self-made household items like liquid soap and disinfectants. Unfortunately, her marriage had broken up more than 10 years ago. The man regained his feet almost three years after the separation. He’s now a much better man who is able to train his children in quality schools two of who are now university graduates. I know some women who also find themselves in similar doldrums of a marriage. One major thing to notice during dating are the signs of how things work out for you. It is too risky to assume or rationalize issues that call for caution. However, I trust that God is more than able to turn things around for such people; but, it is better prevented than looking for the way out.
There are those who might feel heeding a counsel that is against their wish is obviously denying them the right of choice in their personal affairs. I wish to submit that counsel is not a law. There’s no compulsion in it. Counsel is a piece of advice steeped in rich experience and knowledge. My sincere prayer is that may the song: “Had I Known” not be your anthem at last. Amen.
Quote:
“Some of them prefer to go into ‘trial’ marriages and fail than let go their abusive partners. The reckless decision they often make is to blindly walk down the aisle with partners they can’t have peace and desired happy matrimony with.”
If the troubles are too much, please have a rethink
