“For the thing I greatly feared has come upon me. And what I dreaded has happened to me.” (Job 3: 25 NKJV)
Like Job in the Bible, virtually everything some people loathe in relationship or marriage has become their lot either by fate or by human factors. Job, a rich, generous, righteous, God fearing and pious worshipper severely feared calamities in his opulent state. That was why he eschewed every appearance of evil, detested oppression of the poor, sacrificed regularly, kept the precepts of godly living and communed with God ceaselessly in prayers. Yet, Job had more than fair share of tragedy that he, ordinarily, shouldn’t have experienced at all. That was what precipitated the above emotion-laden statement.
It is no surprise, therefore, that many of those who are languishing in their marriages have no reason to be in such acrimonious, tension-soaked and desiccated marital relationships. Unfortunately, the reality, as largely witnessed in our society today, points to the fact that the innocent suffers the most, unjustly though.
Have you wondered why, despite your carefulness and meticulousness, you ended up marrying the type of a spouse you dread? Have you taken a panoramic view of those who lived their youthful years in chaste, disciplined and godly precepts but who are now struggling to keep their homes? Many of those in chaotic marriages are those who had dreamt of a “bed of roses” kind of marital life about themselves. Take a cursory look at the number of aging singles and single moms (who have never being married) in your family, neighbourhood, place of work and worship centres, many, not a few, of these women are wifely.
A quantum number of women in rancorous relationships or marriages are asking God in their dejected condition “Why me?” They are dogged with never-say-die approach to challenges especially in support of their families. They blossom like roses whenever their husbands turn a new leave and show care, love and attention to them. These women are fire-spitting prayer warriors and fasting addicts who continually stand in the gap for their families. Alas! What do they get in return for their sacrificial love? Beating, cheating, hunger, sex denial, unfounded suspicion, neglect, emotional abuse, lack of attention and support.
Have you checked the women involved in separation or divorce? I’m not holding brief for them, however, many of them left their homes in helpless circumstances. In this category, it is possible that some of the women are on the wrong side of their cases but many are sheer victims of domestic violence, neglect, economic deprivations and refusal or failure to consummate long or co-habiting relationships into marriage, etc.
Also, have you noticed that many of those relationships that were “prayed” about or carefully guided into do end up in shambles, unmanageable crisis or irreconcilable differences? What does this portend? Does it mean God no longer answer prayers? Does it mean the prophets or alfas didn’t receive their messages correctly? Does it mean the couple violate some rules? What exactly is the problem?
Quite a number of people get into relationship with wrong partners intentionally for other reasons. Such reasons may include money, beauty, and the background of the person, the nativity, the job or profession of the partner, tribe, religion and social status. However, if your courtship period is characterized by disagreements, quarrelling and malice more than moments of planning, happiness and fulfillment, please do a thorough appraisal of the relationship and envisage what the future will look like in marriage. I’m not saying there won’t be moments of disagreements and, in fact, serious issues that might require parental interventions but such scenarios should seldom occur. If acrimony has become a recurring decimal, it portends serious threat or stormy marital life ahead.
There are those who get stuck in acrimonious relationships but they refuse to quit because of fear of the unknown. They are fidgety for fear of either being stranded without a relationship or getting involved with worse partners. Please fight your fears! You are wonderfully and beautifully made. You shouldn’t be enslaved in any rancorous relationship thinking that “the angel you know is better than the unknown angel.” There are levels of tolerance in courtship. If your partner is becoming excessively temperamental, quarrelsome and violently assaulting you, please do a rethink.
I must acknowledge that spiritual problems might have actually engineered many of these marital violence leading to separation, divorce and in extreme cases, premature deaths. The evil powers are deployed to scatter homes and relationships. They also bewitch single women with consistent problem of failed relationships. These circumstances further make the role of prayers a must in every relationship.
I will candidly advise that you should know the person you plan to marry intimately before praying about him/her. Many people rush to pray or embark on spiritual findings about their intending spouses without knowing his/her character, dos and don’ts, strengths and weaknesses. These often-ignored areas do determine the compatibility of every intending couple. I’m not downplaying the importance of prayers in the choice of life partners; but spiritual findings won’t reveal if he has bad temperament, complex issues, stingy or violent nature. The best your prophet or alfa could see is the aura for prosperity or poverty, long or short life span and signals of background or family issues or challenges like impediments, delay in child bearing and, probably forces of conflict and future desertion or breakup.
Therefore, endeavour to know the “real person” you desire as a life partner. Marriage is carnal (physical and romantic relationship) and not spiritual. The most effective prayer while searching is to ask for God’s leading to the right choice; and not after you have already made your choice based on your criteria.
From Mailbox
Re: A Cry for Lost Home
I don’t even know what to say. A lady came to me last week for an advice. But after reading this story now, hope I haven’t given her a wrong counsel. – Mrs. Kenny O, Lagos.
I’m a spoilt brat like these women but I thank God for my step-mom who, while I thought she was victimizing me, actually shaped me up for my marital life. Thanks for doing a good job, sir. – Kate W, Abuja.
