The spiraling cases of rape in our society is worrisome and condemnable but in some cases, the victims – women, are found to be instigators or causes of some or few of these criminal acts. I have many instances at my disposal that could serve as data for this claim.
The percentage of rape incidents inspired by women is low compared to the ones committed by sex predators but I think we should also look in the direction of some of the victims in the collective quest for solution. I decided to come up with this angle though it may not be palatable to some feminists or gender issues campaigners, howbeit, we should put things in the proper perspective.
There are a number of tricks some women use (either shrewdly or surreptitiously) to tempt some weak or violent men that eventually assault them sexually. One of the difficult cases to prove in court is sex related allegation. This is because it is done behind locked doors. It happens only between two people without a third party. Most of the time, reliable evidences in rape cases are usually based on torn dresses or under wears and/or scars sustained in the process of struggle. Another evidence is medical examination to ascertain if there is any forceful penetration into her vulva by the accused.
I know a woman who passed a night with a man she met on a dating site based on mutual understanding as lovers. But throughout the night, she didn’t allow the man to touch her. The man, a single father of two children at the time, endured her action calmly, behaved like a gentleman he is. While she was about leaving the next day, she demanded more money than what he gave her. The man smiled and warned her never to try that with some other men who might not be tolerant of her daring attitude. Thus, they parted ways. He’s now married.
In 2017, a secondary school teacher proposed to his colleague for a relationship. Both of them were single at the time but she declined. The guy had moved on searching for love elsewhere but this female teacher kept hanging around him. Sometimes at the weekend, she would come to his place to relax, yet, she insisted that nothing could ever bring them together as lovers.
The guy now called me for counseling saying, “Sir, what can I do about this woman before I misbehave?” I told him to tell her to stop visiting his place. She is sending a wrong signal to any other woman he may want to date. In the school environment, he should reduce their closeness so as to disprove the raging rumour about them. He found it hard to say because he really loved the lady but eventually he did and the woman was aghast that he could have the courage to utter such a statement to her. The following month, he met the lady he married early this year.
I know a married woman who declined overtures for an extra-marital affair with a single dad but chose to keep the man as a friend. I’m aware of two occasions she had passed the night in the man’s house without permitting sex on the ground that they were mere friends. The first time, her husband travelled and she didn’t want to stay at home alone. Her children were in boarding schools. The second time, she had malaria while her husband was on another trip. So, she went there for two days to treat herself.
You might think that something actually happened that I didn’t know about, not at all. He vacated his bedroom for her on the two occasions and shared the same bed with his younger brother who was living with him at the time. I actually stopped the woman from coming to the house uninvited. Apart from other stories I was told, I know of several other cases that I can’t exhaust mentioning.
Supposed the men I mentioned their cases forcefully had their way with these women, would it be right to allege rape? A woman becomes an instigator of rape through any of the following:
- Hanging around a man she does not desire sexual intimacy with probably for pecuniary benefits
- Sleeping in a man’s house without an intent of having sex
- Insisting that a man should exercise self-control while provoking his sexual urge within his domain
- Turning ‘sex by consent’ to rape just to blackmail or exploit the man
- Dressing seductively in order to trap the man
At the heat of COZAgate three weeks ago, a Good Governance activist sent a video clip of Pastor (Mrs) Ifeanyi Adefarasin of House on the Rock Church, Lagos, to me. I really appreciate her rebuke for indecent manner of dressing to the house of God. She was on point just like Rev. Funke Adejumo, Pastor Bimbo Odukoya (of blessed memory) and a host of other ministers in the crusade for decency in the Body of Christ as well as in the society at large.
People often cast aspersions on the ministers of God found in error of sexual immorality. Yes, it sounds right but I think we should appreciate the burden of intimidating temptations they face on daily basis. I think the society is harsh on the ‘fallen’ ministers of the gospel simply because they are expected to be “blameless.” 2 Tim 3: 3.
A man of God that is sleeping with his members is committing a breach of trust. A man bearing the mark of Christ in whatever form should not condescend to defiling his seamless relationship with the Holy Spirit by partaking in filthy lucre or falling for momentary pleasure of sexual sin. If it happens, it is a spiritual tragedy to the Body of Christ.
It is more calamitous if he fails to seek help, repent and be quickly restored. Relaxing in the ‘fallen state’ often lead to uncovering his secret sins that would heap ignominy upon him, his family and his ministry. That’s why the Word warns that we should distant ourselves from every APPEARANCE of evil (emphasis mine). Appearance means anything that could easily be construed to be sinful, uncouth or immoral even if indeed, he is practically innocent of the deed. Loitering in the corridor of lustful indulgence could turn out scandalous!