The Silent Need of Grandmas By Michael West

Michael West

“Men who are our mates don’t look in our direction. They chase after the younger women. Incidentally, those girls also prefer the ‘daddies’ to their mates. This inverted pairing leaves us out of the equation”

I received some messages last weekend sequel to the last two editions on sex matters. A 67-year-old woman lamented the plight of aging or older people especially women in loneliness and their sexless life in retirement. In a telephone conversation that lasted about 32 minutes, she explained how her ilk waited for so long for companions without getting any.
“It’s very thoughtful of you, Michael West, to have spared the time to write pointedly on a knotty and coded issue like sex. There’s no gainsaying about it, many homes are in storms today as a result of incompatible or dismal sex life.  Some of us got to know better and appreciate the sweetness of sex when it was almost late. I quite agree with you that the only place where a legitimate sex should take place is in marriage; but the parental failure to talk to their children about sex ahead of time has wrecked irreparable damages to many promising homes.
“For the young women, they still have the ample opportunity to make the most of their time by managing their men in a way that they will stay together till the evening of their lives. I appreciate young women who persevere to keep stable homes while I dislike the nonchalant attitude of some other women to marriage. They will realise the harm they’re doing to themselves in their old age. I’m aware that some men are monsters in their homes. Women that are unfortunate to marry those brutes as husbands should be ready to endure or quit. Such men are difficult to relate with. However, I have seen two of such violent men become loving and faithful husbands after they encountered Christ.
“West, widows and single women in their 60s and 70s need love. Many of us are being consigned to becoming nannies or abandoned to fate. We still feel lonely. We need companions too. I have heard some people say ‘what do those grandmas need men for?’ I laugh because someday it will be their turn. Those who think a 70-year-old woman does not need cuddling or sex because of her age should know that we (Grandmas) still feel horny like they do.
“Have you wondered why White women scout for men even on the internet? We have witnessed younger men in their 20s and early 30s marrying White women who are old enough to be their grandmas. You may criticize the guys but they’re serving a crucial purpose for some women who are ready to pay their way through to happiness. But here in Africa, Nigeria in particular, culture and environment won’t encourage older women to do such a thing. Therefore, a ‘big mummy’ will remain lonely and sexless to her grave at an age she should still be her man’s sweet sixteen.
“Our children don’t help our situation. They’re fond of criticizing us whenever we share our feelings and desires with them on the need of companions. Conversely though, there are some considerate ones who do encourage their aging moms to find love or companions to make themselves happy and fulfilled. Even at that, where are the men?
“West, candidly, there are few, if any, available men that can truly fill in the void in our lives. Men who are our mates don’t look in our direction. They chase after the younger women. Incidentally, those girls also prefer the ‘daddies’ to their mates. This inverted pairing leaves us out of the equation. And if you decide to consider mature younger men maybe in their 40s or 50s, distractions and sundry pressures won’t allow them to give deserved attention.
“As for me, I don’t encourage married men to engage in extra-marital affairs. It’s sacrilegious to the sanctity of matrimony but there are many single men out there who are widowers, separated or divorced. I do discourage my friends who date some of these younger men to avoid married ones in order to keep their homes. However, the problem with many of the single men or single dads is that there are several women available to them as options. The unfortunate thing is that such men think they’re doing you a favour rather than appreciating the older women for who they are.
“I like to subscribe to your hook-up platform because I trust your judgment and diligence in handling relationships. Keep up the good work going, Mr. West. God will soundly bless you in return. I appreciate you. Thank you.”
Apart from the needful companionship, lack of warmth or prolonged abstinence from sex do have some health challenges as repercussions on the aging women. A healthy sex life will keep immune system humming, boosts libido, improves women’s bladder control, lowers blood pressure and reduces heart attack risk, lessens cramps, nourishes body skin and shapes, makes prostate cancer less likely while it is also considered as an exercise.
I know a 70-year-old woman who had been complaining of various kinds of ailments one after the other for over two years. Her nurse was almost running out of ideas to manage her condition. One day, her neighbour told her to stop “killing her system” with drugs she took every now and then. She advised the ailing woman to go for sex instead. The woman in question had been separated for about seven years and she remained sexless ever since.
Initially she discountenanced the counsel, thinking how sex could be the answer to her sickness that kept moving from one part of her body to another. In summary, after a reluctant date with a man, she allowed the fun to sustain until she no longer complain about ill-health. In a matter of months, she looked radiant, bubbling with life and excitement. That’s a practical way to keep ‘big mummies’ or grandmas healthy, happy and fulfilled.
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