Guest ColumnistRelationship

I Prefer Woman Living with HIV as Wife, By Michael West

Michael West

With scientific breakthroughs, stigmatization associated with the people living with Human Immunodeficiency Virus, HIV, will sooner be a thing of the past. Quite a number of “undetected” carriers of the virus are having fun and enjoying their relationships. The fear that is associated with HIV has toned down considerably. People are now coming out boldly to declare their status to their would-be partners at the onset of their relationship. So far, there’s no cause for alarm.

A courageous, healthy looking man called me last weekend and asked to be hooked up with a life partner. He prefers a woman living with HIV or non-carrier who is ready to be with him as wife. What amazes me about this Abuja based gentleman is his candour. He unashamedly introduced himself as a man living with the virus. In the course of our discussion, he revealed the details of his condition as an “undetected carrier,” meaning he could date or marry without infecting his woman with the virus. Consequently, his child or children won’t be infected either, despite his own status. He has this to say:
I contracted the HIV through my late wife. We were childhood friends before we developed our relationship to dating and eventually to marriage. I didn’t know she was a carrier until when she wanted to be delivered of our first and the only child. The blood donation I did revealed my status as an HIV carrier. Apparently it was too late to reverse the situation, hence I decided to live with it. Unfortunately, she passed on later as a result of complications arising from the virus which had unknowingly developed into a full-blown AIDS.
Thereafter, I decided to seek medical attention from Gwangalada Specialist Hospital, Abuja, where I still attend clinic appointments. Eight years after the death of my wife, I remarried. I disclosed my status to my new wife from the onset and she agreed to go ahead with me. When we wanted to wed, the church insisted we have to do a test which revealed my status but she told the church authority that she would still marry me despite the outcome of the result.
Initially, I was trying to use protective method for her during sex but she protested, saying she can’t get pregnant with that method. That was when I started having “direct entry” – unprotected sex with her and we had a baby girl in the process. Barely two years later, she decided to quit the marriage, and we eventually went our separate ways. My daughter was negative up till when her mom left. As at now, I don’t know their current status as we speak.
I have since remained single and lonely. I decided to take my health condition seriously. As we speak, sir, I’m very healthy and active as a man. I can date and remarry now. That’s why I contacted you for help through your Hook Up service. I learnt about it through some people and I trust that you will be kind enough to get a good woman for me. There are many women around but only a few are really interested in marriage.
Sir, it may interest you to know that some women living with HIV are on the prowl in town, catching fun recklessly. They behave that way because most of them have very low viral loads – which is “undetected.” Because I use my anti-retroviral drugs consistently, my viral load is below 20. The minimum load is five (5). Therefore, viral loads between 5 and 20 are much safe with partners with negative HIV status. Our partners can’t be infected, same with our children.
I would have proposed to one of the women in our circle (we do interact and socially meet because we attend the same hospital for treatments; and to be honest with you, we have constituted ourselves into a social group) but some of our ladies are not keen on family life. They are more wayward than non-carriers outside. I believe there are carriers elsewhere who might need companions or life partners like me. In order to avoid embarrassment, rejection or stigmatization, that’s why I prefer a woman living with HIV. Both of us already have shared knowledge and understanding of our health condition.
My health status is well known to my family members. And I don’t hide it from anybody I come in contact with. Many years ago, malaria was a killer disease, same with cholera but today, both can be treated by just going to a nearby pharmacy with less than N2,000. I strongly believe that sooner than later, HIV will be totally demystified just like malaria and cholera. Until then, we need the grace of God and the support of caring people around us to bear the cross of stigmatization, rejection and fear from the members of the public.
Sir, she can come from any part of the country provided she’s sincere and she has the fear of God in her heart. Let me know the details of what is involved to be hooked up and I will be willing to do them. I do sincerely appreciate you, sir, for your rapt attention to hear me out and show empathy for my condition. Thank you and God bless.
Findings have confirmed his position that he can actually date or marry without infecting his partner or children. According to _i-base.info/qa/65,_ it states that when carriers are told that they’re “lower than detectable,” this is referring to their viral load. Put simply, it means that their HIV is under control. There’s more info about being “lower than detectable” and why it’s important. Another finding posits that “the standard blood tests used in clinics can measure viral load down to 20 or 50 copies per millilitre of blood. When a person has an “undetectable viral load,” their chances of passing on HIV to a sexual partner is zero. As the campaign slogan puts it, ‘Undetectable equals Untransmittable’ or ‘U = U’. Going by the 2018 report, no fewer than 1. 9 million people were living with HIV in Nigeria.
In view of his healthy, active and safe condition, it is no longer much of a risk for any interested woman – regardless of her status, to go into a relationship and possibly marriage with him. God will be in charge, I will facilitate the connection and all will be well. Amen.
Send your responses/private issues to: *Email: mikeawe@yahoo.co.uk*
*+234-(0)8035304268 – SMS*
*+234-(0)8059964446 – Hook Up*
*Note:* You may actually be helping someone get through her issues or heal a broken heart by sharing this article on other platforms. Thanks.
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