The spiral increase of bizarre happenings in many acrimonious marriages in our society are sickening and disheartening. In the last few weeks, despite the spreading orgy of kidnapping, robbery and killing rapaciously rampaging many hitherto peaceful states of Nigeria, tears, agony and death have continued to be recurring decimals in several homes.
Marital breakups, last-minutes disappointments and time-wasting relationships have continued unabated. Political upheavals and insecurity seem to have pushed domestic violence and marital frustration to the background. More children are witnessing their parents assaulting each other, raining curses and abuses with sustained injuries during fracas. Many children are fast losing focus in their studies due to the effect of fighting and molestation they see their parents go through.
Sometimes in 2007, a senior secondary student whose parents got separated due to some irreconcilable differences and regular fighting almost slithered into depression. Being a brilliant student who had represented his school in many academic contests and won awards, he begun to recede in performance. The situation got worse that he repeated the SS2 class.
Observant school principal had to step in to find out what went wrong with a boy that had hoisted the school banner at several keen contests and coming atop. He was usually referred to as the ‘star boy’ of the school. Following the principal’s fatherly rapport, he opened up to the fearsome, cane-wielding principal on the acrimonious situation with his parents at home. As he narrated how his dad often beat his mom to pulp while they (children) watch helplessly, weeping in sympathy for their bruised mom, he burst into tears. He wept bitterly, loudly and uncontrollably. He refused to be pacified as some emotional staff also joined the boy in tears.
At the end of the week-long counseling, the principal had to wade into the imbroglio and eventually the parents reconciled weeks after. Meanwhile, the boy had to repeat the class to regain concentration and his academic feat. He exclaimed before the principal “What on earth could my mom have done to deserve those animalistic treatment!” Later on, he had this to say about his parents:
“My dad is a good man. He’s my hero and super model of a caring father. Also, my mom is the rallying point in our extended family. She is a very good woman. Even after receiving thorough beating of her life, the next morning, she would lead us (children) in prayers for the success and protection of her husband. She had never spoken ill of him in our presence. Sir, I often wonder what exactly could have led to this frequent assault.” Till when the couple had another baby, none of the parents responded to his inquisitorial statement.
I lost a very dear friend and sister in the Lord through marital crisis three weeks ago. At a point, she moved out of her matrimonial home to regain her sanity. She returned to her husband after “it won’t happen again” promise by her husband. Unfortunately, not that it happened again, she couldn’t survive the ordeal. Thus we lost a highly gifted woman whose prayer ministry and prophetic anointing had saved many lives.
Just last week, an easy going man transited to the other side of the eternity prematurely. Alfa, as he’s fondly called, was a devout Muslim and a car driver. He was a very honest, dutiful and self-disciplined man. His two previous marriages failed because the women were allegedly “very generous” with their “assets” to anything in trousers. The third wife, who has a child for him is not a “free giver” like his ex-wives but she’s so nagging, troublesome and highly temperamental. Quite a number of times, neighbours and family members had settled quarrels for them. Well, the end finally came penultimate weekend as Alfa was returning from the bathroom after his early morning break of the Ramadan fast with only towel tied around his waist. His wife, apparently livid with fury, forcefully pushed him off the way. Thus, Alfa lost his balance, staggered and slammed his head against sharp edges of big stones at the backyard as he fell to the ground. Immediately, blood started gushing out and his neighbours came to his rescue, rushed him into a tricycle to a nearby hospital which rejected him because he had lost too much blood. Before they could get to another hospital, Alfa had passed on. His lifeless body was returned to the one-room apartment he occupied in a face-me-I-face-you building. By the time his corpse arrived, his cantankerous wife had disappeared. As you read this article, she’s yet to show up.
I have always admonish that when marriages are becoming life-threatening, please give a space. If sanity prevails later, then, life continues, otherwise, stay away to stay alive.
For those who blindly and erroneously insist on dying in marriage because God hates divorce, I salute their courage and faith. I agree that we need to endure, pray and work harder to enjoy stability at home, but where courage is becoming suicidal, prayers appear to be far from being answered, why not stay calm, go away for a season to allow the steam cool off? Remember, only the living will praise the Lord.
Early in the week, I watched a regrettable video on the social media where the bridegroom walked out of the wedding ceremony renouncing his marital vow, insisting that he won’t go further with the event. The bride was weeping profusely, pleading with her man to please stay on. Rather than listen to the appeals by his bride, his best man and other concerned people, he removed his bow tie, called out to his driver to come and pick him home immediately. The half-wedded couple became a spectacle on the street. Details of what actually transpired were not known. Sometimes, disappointments are a blessing in disguise. It is not every breakup that is demon-propelled or due to lack of commitment on the part of either of the intending couple. It is advisable to see beyond the natural in some heartbreaking happenings.
